My Public Apology
Sunday, January 22nd, 2023 06:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoozefestaudioSo, I have mentioned to a few people that I was journaling this whole Dad crisis here at Dreamwidth, and Colleen has actually showed up to read a few entries.
It's possible that others, who've been mentioned in here, will stumble on this blog as well.
But it didn't really occur to me, until I sat and thought about it, that I've been kinda bitchy and snippy about different people and things here and there.
So, this is my public apology for the shit talk that's been peppered into these entries.
--| APOLOGY |--
Shit talk is not nice, and it's not fair, because it's just one person's knee-jerk opinion about complex human beings... and nuanced situations where there are many valid points of view!
I regret that I have indulged in shit talk, in this journal, because it can be hurtful, and is also not fair, because people don't have a way to respond.
Also, this apology was not requested by anybody. I did just genuinely feel bad, when I realized these entries might actually be read by people, and felt it was necessary to say something.
I do not defend the negative things I've said... or cling to negative opinions.
I apologize for them... and will seek to be less of a bitch in the future.
------------{=0=}------------
That said, this journal... especially in the past few months, has simply been a way for me to keep track of a rapidly changing situation.
That rapidly changing situation began with the tree falling in the back yard... then I started a new job... then we had the Great Good 'N Fun Crisis... then Dad broke his hip, and everything really started going bonkers.
Recounting the days events, at the end of every day, has been my only way to maintain the perspective necessary to survive all of this.
But over the course of a compounding crisis, spanning several months, it's hard not to get emotional, and start venting fustrations that haven't been fully processed.
------------{=0=}------------
When this blog began, last June, it was meant to be a tool to help boost plays on the SnoozefestAudio SoundCloud... a place to embed tracks, and link back. And I was trying to incorporate my TikTok account, and my Old Man Cricket Facebook account into that scheme, to further optomize the traffic to the SoundCloud.
Why was Snoozefest so important?
Just because it was an old hobby I had time to work on again... that didn't cost any money.
I had the free time, because I was unemployed, but... that's also why I had no money.
I never thought Snoozefest would make any money either, mind you. I actually pay money for the SoundCloud account, and always wanted it to be a free resource for people.
So, Snoozefest was not a get rich quick scheme, by any stretch... but just a way to occupy myself while I was trying to figure out how to get new income in other ways.
--<>--
Dad had gotten fairly dependent on me to be around 24/7, after I'd taken off the whole year of 2021, to live off my 401K. And when that money was drying up, in the summer of 2022... he didn't want me to go back to work.
We tried refinancing his mortgage to get some extra money, and I was trying to do the handyman business, but... neither one panned out.
His credit score was too low to do the refinance, and the economy was too shitty for people to be calling handymen.
So I was trying to live off the fumes of Dad's Social Security and Pension checks, on a shoestring budget... hoping the economy would turn around... but by August was forced to get a part time job.
Dad wasn't happy about the part time job, but understood that it was critical.
--<>--
So, from THERE... it SHOULD have been... that I started my happy little janitor job, and we both had enough to survive, and then... work for the handyman gig might pick up in the spring, and everything would be FINE after that!
I'd be around for Dad... but running out to do a couple handyman jobs in the mornings for some good, under the table cash... and then have my little janitor gig in the evening, but be home to have a beer with him by 7:30PM, every night, and have all the weekends and holidays off!
It would've been a nice little life, for the next few years, until he, maybe died at the age of 90!
And by that time, I'd have been well established at both my jobs, and we'd have taken care of his funeral expenses, and the transition of ownership of the house, and whatever else!
--<>--
But instead... Dad almost died in August, right before I started the janitor job... then I saved him from going to a rehab center... then the mulberry tree fell down... then we had the Good 'N Fun Crisis... then he broke his hip... then I had to bust him out of a rehab center... then he DIED!
And all of that, has been insanity!
So, yes... this journal became my coping mechanism, to help me maintain perspective.
And I am sorry for the shit talk that's happened along the way... and that's MY character flaw... or one of them, at least. I'm sure there are others, that people talk about when I'm not around.
--<>--
2023 is still young... it's still January... and this year is going to be about figuring out how to hold on to this house by myself, with my single income.
I also need to face the fact that the saintly sheild that has been protecting my reputation for the past eight years... the noble act of caring for my elderly father... is fading now, and will be gone soon.
Very soon I will just be... a cranky guy with an old house, and two cats that I'm overly protective about.
And I don't want to be creating any ill will with the last few people in my life who still give a crap about me. So... I am sorry for the shit talk.
I'll tone it down, and cut it out!
°¦}
https://soundcloud.com/snoozefestaudio
It's possible that others, who've been mentioned in here, will stumble on this blog as well.
But it didn't really occur to me, until I sat and thought about it, that I've been kinda bitchy and snippy about different people and things here and there.
So, this is my public apology for the shit talk that's been peppered into these entries.
Shit talk is not nice, and it's not fair, because it's just one person's knee-jerk opinion about complex human beings... and nuanced situations where there are many valid points of view!
I regret that I have indulged in shit talk, in this journal, because it can be hurtful, and is also not fair, because people don't have a way to respond.
Also, this apology was not requested by anybody. I did just genuinely feel bad, when I realized these entries might actually be read by people, and felt it was necessary to say something.
I do not defend the negative things I've said... or cling to negative opinions.
I apologize for them... and will seek to be less of a bitch in the future.
That said, this journal... especially in the past few months, has simply been a way for me to keep track of a rapidly changing situation.
That rapidly changing situation began with the tree falling in the back yard... then I started a new job... then we had the Great Good 'N Fun Crisis... then Dad broke his hip, and everything really started going bonkers.
Recounting the days events, at the end of every day, has been my only way to maintain the perspective necessary to survive all of this.
But over the course of a compounding crisis, spanning several months, it's hard not to get emotional, and start venting fustrations that haven't been fully processed.
When this blog began, last June, it was meant to be a tool to help boost plays on the SnoozefestAudio SoundCloud... a place to embed tracks, and link back. And I was trying to incorporate my TikTok account, and my Old Man Cricket Facebook account into that scheme, to further optomize the traffic to the SoundCloud.
Why was Snoozefest so important?
Just because it was an old hobby I had time to work on again... that didn't cost any money.
I had the free time, because I was unemployed, but... that's also why I had no money.
I never thought Snoozefest would make any money either, mind you. I actually pay money for the SoundCloud account, and always wanted it to be a free resource for people.
So, Snoozefest was not a get rich quick scheme, by any stretch... but just a way to occupy myself while I was trying to figure out how to get new income in other ways.
Dad had gotten fairly dependent on me to be around 24/7, after I'd taken off the whole year of 2021, to live off my 401K. And when that money was drying up, in the summer of 2022... he didn't want me to go back to work.
We tried refinancing his mortgage to get some extra money, and I was trying to do the handyman business, but... neither one panned out.
His credit score was too low to do the refinance, and the economy was too shitty for people to be calling handymen.
So I was trying to live off the fumes of Dad's Social Security and Pension checks, on a shoestring budget... hoping the economy would turn around... but by August was forced to get a part time job.
Dad wasn't happy about the part time job, but understood that it was critical.
So, from THERE... it SHOULD have been... that I started my happy little janitor job, and we both had enough to survive, and then... work for the handyman gig might pick up in the spring, and everything would be FINE after that!
I'd be around for Dad... but running out to do a couple handyman jobs in the mornings for some good, under the table cash... and then have my little janitor gig in the evening, but be home to have a beer with him by 7:30PM, every night, and have all the weekends and holidays off!
It would've been a nice little life, for the next few years, until he, maybe died at the age of 90!
And by that time, I'd have been well established at both my jobs, and we'd have taken care of his funeral expenses, and the transition of ownership of the house, and whatever else!
But instead... Dad almost died in August, right before I started the janitor job... then I saved him from going to a rehab center... then the mulberry tree fell down... then we had the Good 'N Fun Crisis... then he broke his hip... then I had to bust him out of a rehab center... then he DIED!
And all of that, has been insanity!
So, yes... this journal became my coping mechanism, to help me maintain perspective.
And I am sorry for the shit talk that's happened along the way... and that's MY character flaw... or one of them, at least. I'm sure there are others, that people talk about when I'm not around.
2023 is still young... it's still January... and this year is going to be about figuring out how to hold on to this house by myself, with my single income.
I also need to face the fact that the saintly sheild that has been protecting my reputation for the past eight years... the noble act of caring for my elderly father... is fading now, and will be gone soon.
Very soon I will just be... a cranky guy with an old house, and two cats that I'm overly protective about.
And I don't want to be creating any ill will with the last few people in my life who still give a crap about me. So... I am sorry for the shit talk.
I'll tone it down, and cut it out!
°¦}
