Trying to See the Big Picture
Tuesday, December 13th, 2022 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoozefestaudioDad fell asleep half way through our visit at Strive today. He was in the bed, with his shirt on, but pants off... suggesting he'd been fully dressed earlier in the day.
He said Father Timothy came to see him today, so that was nice! And he did seem fairly lucid... though he was slurring his speech. I checked under his blanket and they still have him in an adult diaper.
I went to talk to a Physical Therapist about him and... it didn't sound like he's made much progress since Sunday.
Tomorrow's the meeting with the discharge coordinator, nurses, physical therapists, and myself... presumably to talk about where he needs to be, in order to go home.
I assume that'll give everybody goals to hit, but... what's the time frame?
As of the moment, I'm not convinced he'll hit the marks in any time frame, but... they do this all the time, so maybe there's hope?
------------{=0=}------------
With everything so uncertain tonight... twelve days into a crisis with no clear end in sight...
Maybe this entry is better spent talking about what I'd like, for the ultimate outcome.
In a nutshell... I want to be the owner of this house, and live here with Snoop and Prowly.
I want to fix the place up over the coming years before I retire and they grow old and Die. And then I want to chill here until I grow old and die.
But the path from this moment... where Dad's broken his hip at 88... to that moment in the future... where I safely own this house and can afford the mortgage, utilities, etc, by myself... is not a clear, paved path.
It's a foggy, brambly path that could be blocked by falling rocks ahead.
And no, I haven't called that lawyer yet, because there's a looming problem with us being late on his home equity loan, and I can't get any details about it because the bank won't talk to me, and he's indisposed.
I thought I could use the bank app to figure it out, but... It wasn't working, and it only struck me today that I need to login as him, and not me, so see the mortgage and home equity situation.
Because my name is on his checking accounts, but not on those loans.
And that was a tangent I didn't want to go on, but... the problem arose out of the Great Good 'n Fun Crisis, last month, when Dad blew half his Social Security check on dog treats.
That, of course, was a function of the fact that Dad was already not operating at full cogniton... yet free to drive to Walgreens every day without supervision.
--<>--
In that light... his slip and fall at the DMV, when there to renew his license for another year of senior mayhem... was just the next predictable mishap in a recent storm of mishaps going back to August, when he'd failed to refill a critical prescription.
I thought I could still rely on him to handle his prescriptions, but I was wrong.
He began retaining urine. It threatened his kidneys. They saved him, and I managed to save him from a rehab facility that time, but back at home, he was defiant.
Walked the dog when he wasn't allowed and fell down outside. Could've broken the hip that day, but he fell in the soft grass and dirt.
Drove to get beer when he wasn't allowed. Could've put us on the hook for 14 thousand dollars in home care, by violating their terms, that day... if he'd have slipped and fallen, but we got lucky!
Things evened out for a while, but... the Good 'n Fun crisis was part of that rebel spirit to get out every single god damn day to buy shit... and to spoil his dog!
That was the rebel spirit that made him refuse to give up his old shoes.
The rebel spirit that took him back to the DMV on Friday, eve of his birthday, to get that license renewed for another year, because nothing was gonna hold him back!
And the idot slipped because his shoes had no tread!
--<>--
Are we still in the tangent? I'm sorry.
My point, I guess, is that he WAS getting to the extreme limit of his ability to live at home, even with me around.
It seems almost unimaginable now... after these twelve days... that he could EVER go back to just driving around in his car alone, and walking around in the world out there, or puttering around downstairs unsupervised.
We'll see... but I think he's headed for a nursing home, and it's only a matter of weeks or months until he's gone.
--<>--
How I get from here to... still in this house next spring, owning it... is clear as mud!
But there will be a lot of brainstorming and frantic activity for a while, within my family, and I'll have a lot of good will, because the focus will be on how long I took care of him, and how much I sacrificed over the years to do it.
We will probably collectively figure it out, and I will... probably... end up with the house. But after that... it'll be up to me.
A few months after Dad's gone... I'm just me, and this is just my house, and the rest of them are back to their own lives, with their own problems.
And there will be no more dying parents to galvanize us, as siblings, ever again.
I'll be lucky if any of them ever visit again!.. just to see, ME.
--<>--
And this whole ramble has been leading up to this next point...
This is why it's so pivotal, that this Thursday, I'm hitting my 90-day mark with GeoStaff.
End of the probationary period! I'll be fully on board, with a multi-national corporation!
--<>--
A lot is happening right now with Dad, and my little, part-time job doesn't seem very important, but starting Thursday... a big door opens up to my future!
Free health care, and the opportunity to go full time, or move up into maintenance.
As the economy recovers, the handyman business is still there, as a potential source of extra income.
The two jobs could resonate... with me finding loyal customers among the people I meet, working for Geostaff.
My whole future, depends on punching that clock, tomorrow and Thursday... on time!
And if I'd gone for a full-time job last August?... I would already have been totally FUCKED by Dad's broken hip!
I would've been either asking for a couple weeks unpaid leave of absence in the probationary period... or forced to leave the pets alone for 9 hours a day... not visit Dad at all during the week... and be walking Yvette at midnight, when I got home.
Part-time janitor was the move to make, last August. And I believe I'll look back on it, years from now, as the single move that kept me in this house, and insured my survival here, to retirement and beyond.
------------{=0=}------------
And if I'm lucky, the other move that might pay off some day is the Calendar Cards.
Here's where I'm at with Seven Heart's tonight...
Most of the detailing of the plate is done, and the knob is next.
Quick tests showed me that some broader lighting effect will make the victorian detailing pop really nicely.
Not sure if I'll stick with the grass texture you see here, in the lower part of the card, but I like those Dandelions... and they should look much nicer with some additional shading, coloring, and detailing.
This card may take more than a week... because we're not even to the May Basket itself yet, with all of it's flowers. But we'll see.
°¦}
https://soundcloud.com/snoozefestaudio
He said Father Timothy came to see him today, so that was nice! And he did seem fairly lucid... though he was slurring his speech. I checked under his blanket and they still have him in an adult diaper.
I went to talk to a Physical Therapist about him and... it didn't sound like he's made much progress since Sunday.
Tomorrow's the meeting with the discharge coordinator, nurses, physical therapists, and myself... presumably to talk about where he needs to be, in order to go home.
I assume that'll give everybody goals to hit, but... what's the time frame?
As of the moment, I'm not convinced he'll hit the marks in any time frame, but... they do this all the time, so maybe there's hope?
With everything so uncertain tonight... twelve days into a crisis with no clear end in sight...
Maybe this entry is better spent talking about what I'd like, for the ultimate outcome.
In a nutshell... I want to be the owner of this house, and live here with Snoop and Prowly.
I want to fix the place up over the coming years before I retire and they grow old and Die. And then I want to chill here until I grow old and die.
But the path from this moment... where Dad's broken his hip at 88... to that moment in the future... where I safely own this house and can afford the mortgage, utilities, etc, by myself... is not a clear, paved path.
It's a foggy, brambly path that could be blocked by falling rocks ahead.
And no, I haven't called that lawyer yet, because there's a looming problem with us being late on his home equity loan, and I can't get any details about it because the bank won't talk to me, and he's indisposed.
I thought I could use the bank app to figure it out, but... It wasn't working, and it only struck me today that I need to login as him, and not me, so see the mortgage and home equity situation.
Because my name is on his checking accounts, but not on those loans.
And that was a tangent I didn't want to go on, but... the problem arose out of the Great Good 'n Fun Crisis, last month, when Dad blew half his Social Security check on dog treats.
That, of course, was a function of the fact that Dad was already not operating at full cogniton... yet free to drive to Walgreens every day without supervision.
In that light... his slip and fall at the DMV, when there to renew his license for another year of senior mayhem... was just the next predictable mishap in a recent storm of mishaps going back to August, when he'd failed to refill a critical prescription.
I thought I could still rely on him to handle his prescriptions, but I was wrong.
He began retaining urine. It threatened his kidneys. They saved him, and I managed to save him from a rehab facility that time, but back at home, he was defiant.
Walked the dog when he wasn't allowed and fell down outside. Could've broken the hip that day, but he fell in the soft grass and dirt.
Drove to get beer when he wasn't allowed. Could've put us on the hook for 14 thousand dollars in home care, by violating their terms, that day... if he'd have slipped and fallen, but we got lucky!
Things evened out for a while, but... the Good 'n Fun crisis was part of that rebel spirit to get out every single god damn day to buy shit... and to spoil his dog!
That was the rebel spirit that made him refuse to give up his old shoes.
The rebel spirit that took him back to the DMV on Friday, eve of his birthday, to get that license renewed for another year, because nothing was gonna hold him back!
And the idot slipped because his shoes had no tread!
Are we still in the tangent? I'm sorry.
My point, I guess, is that he WAS getting to the extreme limit of his ability to live at home, even with me around.
It seems almost unimaginable now... after these twelve days... that he could EVER go back to just driving around in his car alone, and walking around in the world out there, or puttering around downstairs unsupervised.
We'll see... but I think he's headed for a nursing home, and it's only a matter of weeks or months until he's gone.
How I get from here to... still in this house next spring, owning it... is clear as mud!
But there will be a lot of brainstorming and frantic activity for a while, within my family, and I'll have a lot of good will, because the focus will be on how long I took care of him, and how much I sacrificed over the years to do it.
We will probably collectively figure it out, and I will... probably... end up with the house. But after that... it'll be up to me.
A few months after Dad's gone... I'm just me, and this is just my house, and the rest of them are back to their own lives, with their own problems.
And there will be no more dying parents to galvanize us, as siblings, ever again.
I'll be lucky if any of them ever visit again!.. just to see, ME.
And this whole ramble has been leading up to this next point...
This is why it's so pivotal, that this Thursday, I'm hitting my 90-day mark with GeoStaff.
End of the probationary period! I'll be fully on board, with a multi-national corporation!
A lot is happening right now with Dad, and my little, part-time job doesn't seem very important, but starting Thursday... a big door opens up to my future!
Free health care, and the opportunity to go full time, or move up into maintenance.
As the economy recovers, the handyman business is still there, as a potential source of extra income.
The two jobs could resonate... with me finding loyal customers among the people I meet, working for Geostaff.
My whole future, depends on punching that clock, tomorrow and Thursday... on time!
And if I'd gone for a full-time job last August?... I would already have been totally FUCKED by Dad's broken hip!
I would've been either asking for a couple weeks unpaid leave of absence in the probationary period... or forced to leave the pets alone for 9 hours a day... not visit Dad at all during the week... and be walking Yvette at midnight, when I got home.
Part-time janitor was the move to make, last August. And I believe I'll look back on it, years from now, as the single move that kept me in this house, and insured my survival here, to retirement and beyond.
And if I'm lucky, the other move that might pay off some day is the Calendar Cards.
Here's where I'm at with Seven Heart's tonight...
Most of the detailing of the plate is done, and the knob is next.
Quick tests showed me that some broader lighting effect will make the victorian detailing pop really nicely.
Not sure if I'll stick with the grass texture you see here, in the lower part of the card, but I like those Dandelions... and they should look much nicer with some additional shading, coloring, and detailing.
This card may take more than a week... because we're not even to the May Basket itself yet, with all of it's flowers. But we'll see.
°¦}
