FULL EVENT RECAP
Monday, October 23rd, 2023 12:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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57F and sunny on this quiet Monday afternoon. Tim and his family are at the airport, as is Sheila. Colleen & Celina are on the road, back to Connecticut.
They were the last of the family who departed this morning.
So, let's see... Last Saturday & Sunday I was finishing the book and managed to print and bind one copy, but ran out of ink.
Last Monday, I began housecleaning, which took all Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
Colleen, Celina, and Sheila all arrived on Wednesday night and settled into their Air B&B in Geneva, but I was still mopping floors by night, so we talked on the phone, but didn't see each other on Wednesday.
On Thursday morning I finally cleaned myself, before heading out to Geneva to see them. But on the way I stopped at City Hall to get my transfer stamp for the quit claim.
I then went to the county recorder in Geneva to get the deed recorded, before meeting up with Colleen, Celina, and Sheila.
And we ate at a local pub, then went to a local store where I bought myself shoes, socks, pants, and a shirt, for the funeral.
I dropped off the stamped and recorded deed at my lawyers office on the way back home, and then shaved my head at home.
Then I had time to put up all the Halloween decorations inside and outside, before Tim and his whole crew arrived... which would be; Tim, Veda & Josh, their babies, Emberly & August, and Tim's kids, Frankie, Wendy, Jo, Theia and Sunny... but also Frankie's girlfriend, Meghan, who everybody just loves.
Colleen & Celina showed up. And so did Sheila, with her son Michael, and his fiance', Kate, who everybody also just loves.
Michael & Kate had just gotten engaged the day before.
So Thursday night was kind of the pre-party, in the house, with sixteen souls, counting myself.
And that went great, and everybody had a blast.
Friday morning I was up early, got dressed in my suit, and then answered the front door to find my old friend Jason there!
Not long after that Colleen & Celina arrived, I grabbed the urn, and they drove us over to the church, where we met everybody else, including Brian & Karen, and their sons, Max and Dylan.
Dylan, I guess had arrived late Thursday night and stayed in Geneva with Colleen & Sheila.
Kevin & Monica were also there at the church, along with Olivia... who is Tim's oldest kid.
Olivia lives in LA, near Kevin & Monica, so she came with them, and stayed in their Air B&B.
Everybody was saying they didn't recognize me, but that I looked great... mainly because I was shaved bald with no hat on, and wearing a nice suit.
I never wear dress clothes, and have been wearing a baseball cap for years... though working at Cloud over the summer finally broke me of that, because it was too hot.
Father Leake, the pastor of the church, used to be a teacher, whom most of us six kids had a class with at one time or another... and was considered the cool young priest.
He then became pastor of OLGC, where he got to know Dad quite well, because Dad was an extraordinary minister who not only read at church, but gave out communion there, and also to seniors in nursing homes.
His sermon, for Dad's funeral, however was not very cool.
It was basically a long guilt trip about how Dad devoted his life to God, and we should honor him by doing the same, and returning to the church... and if we didn't, of course we'd all go to Hell.
But we made it through the mass and then it was on to the cemetery where his urn was put into the ground.
After that, the whole crowd; My five siblings & I, and all their children, children's spouses, and children's children... went to the nearby Riverview Cafe for lunch.
After that everybody split up for the afternoon to go back to their places and take naps or do whatever.
Me & Jason, along with Brian, Karen, and Max, all hung out at the house, in the back yard.
The tables & chairs had been delivered earlier in the morning, so now, Max & Karen set them up while Jason & I made a run for firewood and beer & smokes.
Back at the house it wasn't long before I got a fire started.
It was still sunny, and it'd be a couple hours before others began to join us, but it was a nice, casual start to the evening.
As the sun was going down the other parties all arrived, in their various cars, which packed the driveway and lined the street out front.
Friday night ended up being a smash hit!
It was essentially the ENTIRE family! I can't think of anybody who WASN'T at the house that night... well... okay, Sheila's other son, Chris, half brother of Michael, wasn't there.
But my point is, I can't recall the last time so much of the family was at the house at the same time like on Friday night... or when so many people in general had ever been to the house.
And it was the first time ever that the house was so wide open.
It was just a great time, with people out back around the fire, and groups in the kitchen, upstairs, down in the basement, on the porch, going in and out and mixing around... drinking and laughing and just having fun!
The temperature was just right. A slight chill, but warm by the fire.
Inside the house the windows could be open to let in fresh air and dissipate the body heat, without anybody being too chilly or too hot.
And everybody loved the decorations... and the fall leaves were turning colors and falling... it was just perfect.
And that party went on from sundown to about 2AM, with me & Jason hanging out in the kitchen until 5AM.
Saturday, Jason had gotten up before me and cleaned up the back yard and the kitchen... and also walked Yvette several times.
I found him downstairs drinking coffee and reading the house history book.
We left not long after I got downstairs to meet a fairly large group of the family at Jakes Bagels. Brian, Karen, and Max were not there for that.
But the group as it was... which did include Dylan... went to the cemetery after the bagels so that Colleen & Sheila could put a saddle of faux flowers on Mom & Dad's headstone.
And we walked around the cemetery for a while before heading over to Phillips Park.
The plan was to go to the zoo that they have in the park, but after we got out of the cars, Dylan said he wanted to go by the lake before we left... and did I want to join him?
I said yes, and then he immediately ran off toward the lake by himself.
I didn't try to catch him, I just followed the rest of the group over to the zoo area.
That's when Colleen, Celina, and Sheila began talking about how they were exasperated with Dylan, who'd been staying with them the past two nights.
They said he just kept rambling on with insane shit about being followed by drones, and having to save his girlfriend, and save the world, and other crazy stuff.
And they'd been trying their best to debunk him and bring him back to Earth, but it just wasn't working.
At length, I did walk down to the lake by myself to look for him.
The wind had kicked up, and a dark ledge of cloud cover was moving in when I found him standing on a pier overlooking the lake... his arms stretched out high, hands spread wide, as the wind washed over him... his eyes to the sky... as if performing some magic ritual.
I got his attention and told him we were getting ready to go, and that he'd be coming back to the house with Jason and I.
On our walk back to the group he said the lake was in danger, and that he'd been watching the lake on his phone for days, and it had been changing shape, because a dark force was descending upon it.
He also said the family was in danger, and he had to save us.
Back at the house, I had to start printing up more copies of the book, now that my ink had arrived... and over the course of two hours I did get two more copies printed, while Jason and Dylan sat at the kitchen table talking.
I could mostly hear their conversation, and was only in the next room, so would occasionally pop in to add a comment, or relate a quick story.
But Jason was handling it beautifully.
Dylan was talking about being able to see things, and we were both very curious to nail down exactly what he meant by that.
What he described to us was, pareidolia... the tendency to perceive a specific, often meaningful image in a random or ambiguous visual pattern... such as wood grain, wall cracks, etc.
He claimed to see moving images too... but that's also possible for mind to do, when the surface pattern is "noisy" enough... like say, with a popcorn ceiling.
So... he's just picking out images (sometimes moving ones) from the normal surroundings and attaching meaning to them, and thinking he has some kind of power the rest of us don't possess, which makes him special, and therefore means he has to save... his girlfriend, or the family, or the world.
And of course, evil forces are trying to stop him from saving everybody and everything, because... that's what evil forces do!
Jason got him to admit that he's still trying to understand the meaning and message of all these things he's seeing. And Jason & I both related times in our lives when we'd had similar experiences.
Jason told Dylan that often such experiences simply mean that your energy is changing, but that you still need to stay grounded and find your way forward.
It was all very metaphysical, but we were both trying to allow him space to vent freely, without judgement... and also hopefully plant some seeds that might help him find his way back to normal reality.
As the sun set, it was time for the three of us to get over to the Roundhouse, to join the entirety of the family for a night in the Zephyr Room, for a more formal celebration, with appetizers and an open bar.
The Saturday event was planned and largly paid for by Colleen & Sheila.
The theme of it was, "Friday Night Beer Drinking & Culture Society," which is what Dad & Mom, and their friends called themselves, when they were all in their twenties... right after Dad & Mom had married, and took ownership of the house.
They'd all get together on Friday nights, drink, smoke, play polka records, and talk about current events, etc.
There are pictures from this period with Dad, wearing a sheet like a robe, over his clothes, and a paper crown on his head... with a sign on his back that read, "Our Glorious Leader."
So Sheila made up shirts for the six of us kids with a FNBD&CS logo on the front, featuring a crown, and a picture of young Dad on the back, sitting in a chair, holding a drink up and smiling.
They also provided paper crowns for all of us to wear, that were shiny and gold... and everybody did wear their crowns the whole evening!
Again it was more drinking and merriment, with people making toasts, and taking group photos.
Tim raised a toast to Monica, Megan, Kate, and Josh... welcoming them all to the family, and everybody cheered.
The party in the Zephyr Room didn't wind up until around 11:30PM.
Kevin, Monica, and Olivia all had to leave early in the morning... as did Michael and Kate, so we all said our goodbyes to these two parties... the former heading back to LA, and the latter, to NYC.
Colleen, Celina, and Sheila were here for another day, but went back to their Air B&B after the Roundhouse.
Tim and his crew, along with Brian & Karen, Dylan & Max, all came back to the house with Jason and I, to keep the fun going.
The party continued at the house until about 2AM, but there wasn't a fire outside, because it was a bit too cold and windy.
Dylan wandered off into the night with his (new) phone for a while, and then came back saying that his girlfriend's father had told him he wasn't welcome to come back, and that the relationship with his daughter had, "run it's course."
This was at the end of the evening and he was asking me if he could live here, and maybe move in tonight or tomorrow!
I said he should probably go back with his Dad tonight and we'd talk about it all tomorrow.
The party broke up, and Dylan, who had been staying with Colleen & Sheila, did go with Brian, Karen, and Max back to DeKalb for the night.
When everybody had left, Jason said Dylan had told him that he and his girlfriend were going to move in here with me! And I was like, NOOOOO FUCKIN' WAAAAY!
But Jason wanted to get straight to bed, so I went upstairs and had another beer or two before hitting the sack myself.
Jason left early Sunday morning while I was still asleep.
So, I had a nice quiet afternoon at home to print out two more copies of the book.
When I was done with that, I punched and bound all four new copies... and with the original copy, I replaced Chapter 2 with a newly printed one in the proper 12 point font, and added blue divider sheets between the chapters.
Thus I had five identical copies of the book ready to go.
After that, I had time to wash the dishes, before Tim came to pick me up and we went to Garios Pizza, which is near the park.
Tim and crew had been staying at two Air B&Bs, but the one where Veda, Josh, and the babies were staying had a terrible sewage back up in the basement this afternoon... which seemed like a big disaster, until the owner refunded Tim the entire $800.00, and they found a hotel room for only $90.00.
At any rate, by this third night, people were getting a bit exhausted, but... we still had a nice time there.
And now it was Brian, who was exasperated with Dylan, who'd stayed the night with them in Dekalb.
I had caught Brian outside for a smoke to ask what was going on with the idea of Dylan possibly living at my house.
Brian said that probably wasn't a good idea, and that he needed therapy more than anything.
He said Dylan was talking crazy, and it was scaring him, so he was just flat out telling his son, "Dylan this is crazy! Nobody is chasing you with guns! None of this is real! You need help!"
Which Dylan did need to hear... and it was Brian's place, as the dad, to do that.
But they were all drunk that night (Saturday night) and Max was defending Dylan, telling Brian that saying he was crazy was only going to make things worse... and it turned into a huge fight between the three of them.
The fight got so bad Brian left, threatening to call the cops if they didn't calm down while he was gone.
Somehow they did all manage to cool down and resolve things before bed, but not until almost 5AM.
It was kind of a miracle they all showed back up for day three on Sunday, but they did.
Among the crazy things Dylan had told his dad, were... that he could reach out with his hands and twist the clouds... which is probably what he was doing on the pier at the lake in the park on Saturday afternoon...
and that all of his clothes, shoes, and jewelry were things that just appeared at the door of his apartment in the morning... as if some stranger were in the habit of buying him really stylish clothes that all fit him perfectly... and leaving them for him to find as gifts.
And that latter tale I have no explanation for... but part of his current affliction does involve, flat out lying about things.
After Garios, everybody came back to the house, and here on night four, Tim's crew did start another fire in the pit... this time for the purpose of making smores... but Frankie and Josh really got it blazing!
Celina spent a lot of time out in the yard on the phone with her girlfriend/fiance' and meanwhile, Dylan was out there again wandering in the shadows with his phone like the night before.
Brian and Karen did not want to drink or stay late tonight, they were both exhausted.
Same was the case with Colleen, Celina, and Sheila.
Dylan didn't emerge and find me by the fire until just before Brian, Karen, and Max were about to head back to DeKalb.
Dylan was complaining that he didn't really get much time to talk to me, and... would it be okay if he stayed at the house tonight, so we could talk things over about him moving in.
Still, he'd also been telling people he was on the phone with his girlfriend, and that she wanted him to come back... and that he did kind of have to go back to LA, at least to get his stuff and tie up some loose ends with the crashed car and the court date for the ticket.
So I was like, Well... I have to get up early tomorrow to see people off and then I have to go to work so... you should probably go back to DeKalb tonight.
The work part was a lie, but I really didn't want him staying over... and was really having my doubts about ever suggesting he could live here.
As to the complaints about not being able to talk more, I just pointed out that, with such a huge family gathering, it was hard for anybody to really talk long with anybody else.
So, he did grudgingly go back to DeKalb with Brian.
Sunday night ended with just Tim and his crew out in back by the fire, until about 10:30PM, and then we moved it into the kitchen until 11PM.
But finally, they all did depart to their rental places.
I went out in the back room here to chill for another couple hours with Yvette.
Today, Monday the 23rd, I was out of bed by 9AM.
After making coffee and getting dressed, I went straight out the front door to the car, and over to Jake's Bagels.
Sheila had already left to catch an early flight back to LA, but Tim and his crew, along with Colleen & Celina, all met up at the bagel place on Broadway.
There was time for a quick bite to eat, but then we all traded hugs and said our last farewells to one another.
In their two rental cars, Tim's crew left for the airport.
In their Hyundai, Colleen & Celina hit the road, to drive back east.
I got back home around 11:45AM.
Yvette and I went out into the back yard, and I cleaned up the yard a bit, before we came back in here to sit down and write this full recap of the big event.
Curiously Dylan showed up at the airport in the same terminal as Tim's whole crew.
Somehow he'd gotten a ticket to fly on their same plane!
He's on his way back to LA, but his flight has a 14 hour layover in Las Vegas, so he wants to stay at Tim's house for the layover, and now Frankie will be stuck driving him back to the airport there, at like 5AM!
So that drama has not resolved yet, but Dylan is on his way back to LA... presumably to tie up those loose ends with the crashed car, and the court date, and the girlfriend, and her dad.
But we don't really know what he'll do next... or how much of what he told us is even true... about the phone calls with the dad and the girlfriend.
And I'll get more into the Dylan thing below.
But aside from the Dylan thing... the entire event went off beautifully!
For my part, I felt very satisfied that all the hard work this year, on the yard, and the firepit, and the house, really paid off!
People were hanging out here all four nights, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... but Friday was really the BIG night here at the house.
And I'm very glad we decided to do the Roundhouse on Saturday, instead of Friday.
But the whole thing was great, and the whole family was really enjoying each other's company... as well as Jason's company.
It was important, now that both Mom and Dad have passed on, for all of us to come together and solidify those old ties.
And I think this event also solidified Aurora, and specifically this house, as the home base and central location to do things like this again in the future.
Colleen & Sheila want to do this every year! And Tim is on board with that. I am too. We were all saying last night that this coming Saturday will be our next sibling conference call to debrief on this event, and start planning the next one!
Lastly, I'm just very glad I had today off!
It's nice to have this time to decompress, and write this account of things while it's fresh in my mind... without having to run back to work until tomorrow.
Yvette handled the huge influx of visitors, four nights in a row, pretty well.
Snoop & Prowly, however, remained out of sight for most of that time.
I would catch glimpses of them outside or inside each day, and their food was being eaten in the wee hours while I was asleep.
And on Saturday night when I went upstairs, they were both up there at the same time, and I fed them both in real time.
Today, when I got back from Jake's Bagels and went out back with Yvette, there was no sign of either of them.
But later on, after 5PM, we went out again, and both cats did show up to hang out with us in the yard.
So all three survived the craziness, and life would seem to be back to normal now, as we move forward into November and beyond.
So... yeah!.. Everybody had their different moments and dialogues with Dylan this week, including Michael & Frankie, who are his cousins & peers, the same as Celina.
Universally the story was always the same... that on the one hand, he was capable of acting normal and focusing on reality... yet on the other hand, he wasn't going to be silent about the weird experiences he's been having... and also wasn't going to accept that they weren't real.
But, some of the less crazy, more normal stuff he told us, were lies.
So... he was being difficult, but what's exactly going on?
People want to think drugs are involved here... or that he's just being incredibly irrsponsible... because the idea that he's actually mentally ill is scary to them.
Brian, for example, said he was scared by what Dylan was saying... even though Brian himself has said all kinds of crazy bullshit like that on a regular basis for many years.
But that's a whole other thing we don't have time for.
I do think this is textbook schizotypal personality disorder!
But it's a much more serious case of it than I ever experienced in myself.
And I think my battles with it were easier, because I had the benefits of a more stable home, and a more sound foundation of critical thinking.
Dylan's been floating around out there since the day he graduated high school... between Illinois, and Los Angeles, with occasional stays in Las Vegas... almost always couch surfing, with no real idea what he might be doing, or where he might be going next.
And he went to Aurora Christian School, which... was anti science enough to teach creation theory, and denounce evolution.
So... not a great critical thinking background, and no real self-education after that, or reliable friends with good heads on their shoulders.
So he doesn't really have any tools to deal with the perceptual changes that accompany a schizotypal episode, like the heightened pareidolia, and "ideas of reference," as they call them.
That's where you think that the odd things you're seeing or hearing in the textures and sounds around you, are all references to you, and your life.
It also doesn't help that he's always been this slim, handsome, rather tall guy, who's been chasing dreams of rock star fame, while also dressing very stylishly, for years.
Because that leads to a very egocentric mindset, where you not only see yourself as special, or perhaps, chosen... but also actively need others to agree on that, if your career is gonna go anywhere.
When the magical delusions start, it's natural to assume it's because of your specialness, or your chosen-ness.
And if that happens at a time in your life, like where Dylan's at, where he really hasn't gotten anywhere, and his youth is beginning to fade...
Well, then the reason such a special person hasn't gotten anywhere is clearly that the forces of evil have been plotting to stop them... from changing the world... or whatever.
This is all different from narcissism, by the way. And narcissists are fairly notorious for getting ahead pretty easily in life.
But my point here is that Dylan thinks what's happening to him is a totally unique experience... that it's real (even if he can't quite make sense of it)... and that the rest of us don't understand because we're just not on his level.
And his delusions quite naturally take the form of evil forces after him with drones and guns, and everybody and everything being in similar danger unless he, the hero, can figure out how to save us all with his powers.
He even thinks, because he survived the car crash without a scratch, that he basically died, and was resurrected in the same instant... because he is the chosen, magical hero of... everything.
And he just doesn't have the tools, as I said, to break the spell all by himself, or dismantle the delusions.
So I do think he needs antipsychotic meds... right away!
And after that, I think he does need therapy.
But I also think it's unlikely he'll get those meds or that therapy without being compelled... and there's nobody really to compel him.
That's kind of the big question right now... who's place is it to get him to do this, and how would they do it?
He's a grown man of 32.
And right now, nobody, including myself, wants him staying with them.
It's worth noting here that back in 2020, Tim really received a lot of grief from everybody for his own take on Dylan, after he'd stayed with them in Las Vegas for several months, and then abruptly left.
That take was that Dylan was deceptive, unreliable, and deluded... at a time when everybody still thought of him as the charming darling of the family who could do no wrong.
I heard Tim out, and gave his take on the situation the full benefit of the doubt, but everybody else just thought Tim was being an ill-tempered bully!
This past week fully vindicated Tim.
But Tim's experience with Dylan back then, along with other clues from the past seem to suggest Dylan's kinda low-key been like this for many years.
It's just that, when a person is still in their late teens and twenties, everybody sees eccentric behavior as just... some kind of phase, or... that person adopting an affect to seem cooler, or more creative.
Dylan's been posting text on Instagram for years with...
a WeIrdLy IntERcaPpeD prEseNTaTiONaL sTYle...
And everybody thought it was just... to seem groovy or something.
But while talking with Jason, he said something about how he sees different letters, and cases of letters, as having different meanings, and that he types them out in certain combinations according to that cryptic hierarchy.
So, it's probably the case that for most of his adult life, Dylan has not had a full grip on reality.
He was just able to fake it a lot better, before turning 30... because the stakes were lower, and people saw any quirks as charming.
So, it's not like he's suddenly presenting symptoms of a psychosis that normally presents in a person's teens or early twenties.
It probably did present in his teens, but went unrecognized for a decade.
It's not clear, however, what happens from here.
Sheila is on the 405 in California, heading home.
Tim and company landed in Las Vegas. He says he'll let us know what happens with Dylan and his layover.
Colleen & Celina have stopped in Erie PA for the night. They're halfway home.
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